Tag Archives: sex

Come Here. Stay With Me. Stroke Me By The Hair.

18 Dec

I’m sitting at this laptop still in the same outfit I was in yesterday. Just a bit more disheveled.

So yesterday happened! I made my way to the West Side. ZOMG remind me to find a better way to get there if I continue to see 3D because dumb traffic is just dumb.

I get to his place and arrive in the midst of moving chaos. Him and his room mates are in the process of moving out so beds and box springs were everywhere. I got to meet the roomies (yay).

Upon arriving 3D presents me with a gift bag. Before I headed over he asked me if I liked chocolate. Turns out his friend is a chocolatier (sp?) and he was giving me some home made chocolates. It was really sweet when I saw the note: “Don’t Get Sick. xo”. I had told him that I love chocolate and all things dairy but can’t eat too much because I am lactose intolerant. So that little note was perfect.

After chit chatting with everyone for a bit we got in his car and drove to 3rd Street Promenade. Our plans to bike ride at the beach were foiled because of the on-and-off rain. We ended up roaming the stacks at Barnes & Noble, discussing different books, and then reading for an hour in a quiet corner. I mean, c’mon! This was such a comfortable date thing! He is even starting to read “The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” because I suggested he do so. It’s one of my favourite books and I loved looking over and seeing him smile and laugh to himself. I was a bit skeptical about us just hanging out in the bookstore but it was probably the most relaxed I was all day because we were finding time to do what I wish I had more time to do. And we were doing it together. (Vomit inducing, I know.)

Afterwards we were on the hunt for dinner. Steamed mussels to be exact. We finally found a place that had them. Plus, it was a wine bar to boot! (By the by, Sonoma Wine Bar is tres adorable!) We sat out on the patio under the protection of umbrellas and heat lamps. The rain was not going to put a damper in our evening!

Everything that came out of our mouths made us think that it was fate that we met. We even neurotically  adjusted our wine glasses on the table to ensure they were symmetrical with the grooves on the tabletop! (Don’t ask.) He also told me about how he talks about me to his friends (and physicians who bring me up on his visits…I know right?) I think the best part was when he asked me if I noticed anything from the pasta dinner party. I tried to pretend like I had no idea what he was talking about. But yeah…I confessed that that was the funniest thing that could have happened at that moment. (Yeah, we totally brought up the condom falling out of his camera bag situation.) We were laughing so hard because it was so bad that it made it so good! We were both glad we could laugh about it, though, especially him.

Then the conversation took an awkward turn.
ME: Yeah, I thought it was weird that you were prepared to take me to bed but hadn’t even held my hand yet.
HIM: Hmmmm yeah, well this may not make it better but that condom was not in there for you.


ME: Oh…yeah that doesn’t make me feel better at all
HIM: What I meant is that I had condoms on there from a while ago…before you…and I forgot they were in there.
ME: Oh…okay.

And I didn’t know how to feel at that moment. I mean, he does wanna jump my bones, right?!

After dinner we head back to his place but make a pitstop at Yogurtland. However, we get sidetracked and enter the Giant Robot store and purchased random knick-knacks.

Back at his place. No one is home. Perfect. We hung out in his room, browse through his art books, have show-and-tell with his bike gear (the fact that he is so passionate about bikes and how things work is so hot), and he even played me the soundtrack to the bike ride that we never had that day. I loved it, and could picture badass him up front with speakers blasting from his backpack, and dainty me peddling behind him. Picture perfect. Makes me sick! 🙂

I rummaged through his stuff and found a level. I proceeded to check to see if things in his room were level. Even us. 🙂

I lay down and rest a bit because I am tired and a bit tipsy from the wine. At this point he is so late for meeting up with his buddies at karaoke. I felt bad but part of me just wanted to stay there in his, curled up next to him. He smelled so freaking good and was the perfect temperature. (I hate when guys are way too warm and you start to get uncomfortable from the combined body heat). And it felt so good to just be in his arms. I didn’t feel as bad when he said that he liked “this”, just laying there, talking, asking me questions, getting to know me.

I couldn’t believe it but it felt right for me too! Who am I becoming?!?!  Minutes turn to hours. He’s obviously not leaving for karaoke anytime soon OR AT ALL. I am obviously not going back home to finish up some work. So why not let the make out session begin? And boy did it! We probably were in that bed for a couple hours just, well, making out! I was taken aback at how sweet it was. No attempt to go under my unmentionables. What was happening!?!? I even took off my tights to make it easier for him but nope. Not a move was made under my bra or panties.

a.) wow. this guy had major self control
b.) wow. is this the first time since HS that a guy was not going to make a major move during a MAJOR MAKE OUT SESSION?!I think my HS boyfriend moved faster than him!

Seriously. I should not bash on his gentlemanly ways but man, how was that possible?!?! We’re adults here! Let’s do adult things! Of course I started to get self conscious and held back from reaching down his pants because it seemed like he wants to wait.

Let’s just pause again and marvel at this man’s self control! I am practically ready to let him have his way with me but he was standing his ground! Frustrating but sweet at the same time. He was obviously into it but definitely. holding. back. Ahhhhh okay, if he wants to wait then we will wait. But if I had balls at that moment they were most definitely blue.

I later told my best friend about it this morning.

Okay, I may not be overtly sexual on the outside but I need someone who can also take the wheel in the bedroom. I need that throwdown. As horrible as this may sound I would be very sad if I didn’t have that balance of “awesome dude” and “awesome in bed dude”. I need that full suite of services, man! The complete package! And I think he is good. The whole gyrations in the hip area were very sensual. I mean, if he can move that well then maybe I have nothing to worry about. All good things to come, right? (Again, it was total HS humping above clothes. Hot. But…ugh.)

Anywho, make out session was still pretty hot and fun. I foresee another case of beard burn. I love dudes with facial hair but it really pulls a number on my face.

It’s almost 2am at this point. No way I am in the mood to drive home but I think he was already expecting me to spend the night. He even started to look for a spare toothbrush for me. WHAT THE WHAT?!?! When he thought he didn’t have one he even offered to go to the corner store and get me one. WHAT THE WHAT?!?! Who was this guy being so fucking sweet to me!?

He eventually found one. Before handing it to me he inspected the box to make sure that the brush had soft bristles, not medium, because he didn’t want it to hurt. WHO. ARE. YOU.

I even got to wear one of his shirts. He got me water. He even happened to have some Hello Kitty boy shorts for me (don’t ask.)

(Oh side note: earlier in the night I got to try on some fun and cute tiger PJs of his. How do I not own my own pair with the hood and everything?!)

This dude is a weirdo. A quirky weirdo just like me. This could be both good and bad. Can a couple have two wild cards? Is that even legal?

We brushed our teeth together. Watched some TV before bed. He made sure I was warm enough.  Then we cuddled some more. He would just stroke my hair, kiss the top of my head, and hold my hand. He would also ask me different questions about, well, me. “I can’t help but want to get to know more about you.”

This was so couply! I couldn’t believe it. It’s like just happening organically. It’s all super nice but I am not gonna lie. I am scared as fuck! I know that I just need to chill the fuck out and take everything as it comes. But ZOMG I am both thrilled to the core and scared. Many people will tell me to just be thrilled, to not overthink it. But I can’t help it. This is major, right? I don’t normally do relationships and here I am practically on the cusp of one. I keep thinking I should date a few more dudes. I mean, that was the point of getting on OKCupid – to date a bunch of dudes and experience this random social experiment.


I am happy, though. He helps me pull away from my status quo, and I need that. I have been focused so much on my career that I continuously just told myself that I didn’t have time for a dude. I don’t really make much time for anytime else but work. But it has left my personal life and health in shambles. Could it be? Am I actually attempting this work/life balance I read so much about?



riding his rig

16 Nov

Guffaw, my friends!

I’m leaving my office tonight and see a text message pop up from the Skydiver. Gah! My fucking kryptonite! My BIG! (<–My only SATC reference in this one – scout’s honor).

Making my way down the parking garage ramp I had to do a double take because his message was so  not what I expected…but it totally is something I would get from him.

This boy has some kooky ways of seducing a kooky girl and I’m am just getting reeled in! But I’m still somewhat perplexed. I mean, is he forreal? I’m oddly turned on. But it is a legitimate question coming from him so you never know.

I’m about to barrel into some silly traffic yet here I am, iPhone in my right hand, steadying the steering wheel with my left, gearing up for a booty call. But I have so much to do tonight! Am I really going to make my way Downtown to sit on his rig…and then some?!

Flirty banter is on high alert. I’m totally into it and I’m totally into him. I told him I may be interested in making an appearance tonight. Then I make some flimsy comment about how I’d only come over if he met my rider demands (har har) then realized what I said and added in a bit about a bowl full of nothing but green M&M’S.

But I can sense where this is headed. And he is doing it again! SILENCE! You’d think my dummy joke about a celebrity rider would get a chuckle. I’m chuckling about it again right now just thinking about it.

He fucking sets the stage, jerks off to his American Psycho ways, then drinks his own jizz in a protein shake. This is his M.O. Catch him if you can…

I’m a cat chasing the red laser. Part of me is glad this didn’t go down because this girl is dealing with a cold. However, the other part of me was rearing to throw it down on yards of parachute material! I had no shame in passing on my germs and ruining his week – no big deal.

Someone just hose me down. He will be the end of me…and I can’t stop! I should just take my own parachute pack, jump out & away, and pull the cord.

extra dirty

11 Nov

A few extra dirty martinis in during dinner @ Mohawk Bend in Echo Park (post iam8bit gallery visit), and all this talk about first, second and third base at the table made me want to have a throw down with Guy #2 (we’ll refer to him as the “Skydiver” who happens to be #1 in my book…but we’ll retrace steps later). I’m sorry but yes, I was totally guilty of texting him in mid conversation with my friends. I have no self control whatsoever so when you get drinks in me and get me talking about dudes, all I keep thinking about it making about with a hot dude. In this case, all I wanted to do was crawl onto Guy #2’s couch (who is really my #1), cuddle with him, start watching some random movie on his netflix or computer, and ease into our usual make out sesh.

So yeah, I totally texted him. He drinks Vodka so I simply asked him if he knew how to make a mean martini. Surprisingly, Guy #2 responded right away with some witty quip about dirty martinis.

To which he replies, “Mean is easy. Nice is hard.” Corny but slightly intriguing. At this point he could’ve spoken in pig latin and I would’ve jumped him bones regardless.

At this point I am hooked once again. I’m thinking I can simply jet off to DTLA, make my way up to his loft, get ‘er done, and then mosey on home.

Of course he is about to fall asleep.

Of course this is a bad time because he needs to get up at 3am to get a head start on his weekend trip.

Of course he is super hot even in text form and we have mindless banter. Banter that he tried to steer into “dirty talk” territory. He dives into the whole “send me pictures” bit. Not gonna happen so I steer him away. “Dude, I’m at a bar so I’m sure I would turn heads if I take you up on that request.”

(Man, you are so smooth, Guy #2, but I am on to you.) We leave it at, “Let’s hang out when you get back” and I go back to sipping my extra dirty martinis.

This dude is going to be the end of me. I am not sure what I want but all I know is that I am shamelessly hooked. He is my meth or crack cocaine. Our random text messages are my little hits throughout the week. I love and hate him. You will read more about him when I time travel and retrace my steps. He will be my demise, I am sure of it. But man, I am jonesing on him like woah!

As we wait for our friend’s car to get brought up by valet, one friend asked how I could do that – just hook up and be fine with it tonight.

“Maybe I’m just heartless. But I’m sure it will bite me in the ass and I will be bawling on my bathroom floor in a few months because I am in over my head…”

She calls me bold. I put that in my back pocket and go home.

That was last night. Who knows what kind of trouble I will get in tonight. We are cabbing it. We will be drinking profusely. Living large.