Tag Archives: personal

peas and carrots

2 Jan

New Year. Fresh Start.

I had the entire week off last week. It was absolutely glorious! Not only did I get to spend time with my family and friends but I also spent practically every day with “3D”. Like…every single day. Minus Christmas, of course but yeah…pretty much spent the entire break together.

It’s freaking crazy! It didn’t occur to me until someone asked but we have been dating for a month now! It’s been so pleasant. I’m actually really happy we got to spend the week together – sans work, sans worries.

For those curious – the brunch with my sister on Christmas Eve went swimmingly. Granted, my sister and I were hungover (her more so) but we all had a grand time. I even got the stamp of approval from my sister who stated that he is the guy version of me.

He even came to my post-holiday game night.
And we hung out at his new place.
And we were lazy beach ones.
And he crashed at my place.
And we spent a few days at Lake Arrowhead together with my friends!! (If we didn’t go to Arrowhead we were actually thinking of driving up the coast and getting lost in the Bay Area).

But let’s back up and revel in the fact that this dude has spent so much time with me AND my friends! Like…that’s HUGE! He’s even met my sister. AND he almost met my mom. HE WANTED TO MEET MY MOM!

And can we also pause at the fact that he and I spent a weekend away together?! Full on vacay status with this dude. WE ARE A FUCKING COUPLE! Not gonna lie. I am actually diggin’ this. I thought it would be weird but we are so comfortable together that it was not awkward. I never felt like I was “trapped in the woods” with him.

Common themes: everyone has come up to me on separate occasions and mentioned how we look cute together. My friends also love him. And everyone has told me that they genuinely sense that he is so into me. This makes me happy because I actually like this fella’. It’s also obvious that this dude CANNOT keep his paws off of me. I mean, I do the same but he is sooo touchy feely. The funny thing is that I typically cannot stand PDA. But I find myself leaning into him more, letting him take my hand, kiss the top of my head, and just plain ol’ hold me like I’m the only thing that matters. And he holds me in bed without making me feel smothered. I don’t find myself setting a timer in my head for cuddle sessions. WHO HAVE I BECOME!?!?!

 

Did I mention that we pretended to be married at Arrowhead? We had to fill out some forms when we went snow tubing, and the adult forms had lines for “Adult” & “Spouse”. He totally played along and even let me sign with his last name. I hyphenated, of course, but can we pause again at how this did not feel weird at all for him or me?! We even joked about me taking half of everything. “What’s mine is yours.”

We didn’t spend New Year’s Eve together. We briefly discussed it but both agreed that we should do our own things. Plus, he hadn’t seen his friends in forever so I couldn’t force him to be part of my group yet again. While I was a bit bummed about it I was ultimately glad we did our own thing. He did text me at midnight ON THE DOT to wish me a Happy New Year. I had told him earlier that day that I would do the same, maybe even call him. But I didn’t because I was too occupied. And when I looked down at my phone I felt like such an asshole. I texted him back and let him know I was late but that I missed him. And I did. It was kinda funny how everyone was asking about him, wondering why we weren’t together. We wanted to do our own thing! Ain’t nothing super wrong with that. Right?

However, I did feel a bit horrible because right around midnight I had spotted my unrequited love across the room at the party. And he saw me. And his face lit up as he rushed over to where I was standing. We looked at each other, smiling, and counted down for our epic reunion. “3, 2, 1” and I was in his arms above the ground. It hurt so good! We professed that we missed each other’s faces, that we still loved each other’s hearts and brains. He told my friends about our divorce. The divorce that still lingers in my blood.

In addition to opening up old wounds I also found myself enjoying the attention I got from the dapper fellas at the party! I was on fire! And I was so close to straying a bit too far but I stopped myself because it 3D did the same thing I would be devastated! DAMN THAT DOUBLE STANDARD!!

Which brings me to the new question popping in my head: What are we doing?

I don’t think he is dating anyone else. And I’ve mainly been seeing him over these past few weeks. I haven’t even had the urge to log on to OKCupid despite the many messages and alerts I’ve been receiving. So what now? Am I supposed to bring something up? Is he supposed to bring something up? I “committed” to a date or two with some other folks before the break. Do I cancel them? I want to but part of me wants to still go on them…but it would only be to tell me what I already know. Gah!

Today was the first day we didn’t really talk all day and it made me a bit uneasy. WHO AM I BECOMING?!?!

That was my holiday break with the dude in a nutshell. More nitty gritty to come when I am not so brain dead.

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A Family Affair

21 Dec

My sister mentioned that she wanted to meet the fella’ I’ve been seeing a ton of lately. (She had wanted to meet the Skydiver but alas that flame has fizzled. AND YES! I am aware that I owe you, dear readers, the recaps of my dates with that one. It’s coming. I swear! Those posts are whoppers so I keep putting them off.). ANYWHO…my dear sister will be in town for a few days for the holidays before her and her partner head off to foreign lands.

On the other side of my spectrum, 3D asked me how my weekend schedule was looking like.
He’d like to see me again. He’s also staying in town (no crazy trip back to Florida) and has no concrete plans. Score for me!

I suggested we  jostle two birds with one stone and have brunch on Saturday. That way my sister can meet him and we get to spend time together.  My #1 favourite person and my new favourite person. Easy peasy.

This ought to be fun.

Man, he has and continues to be exposed to so many facets of my life and I’ve only partially met his room mates!
He is such a good sport…

Pop Quiz

20 Dec

“Hot For Teacher” has resurfaced! I received a message from him in my inbox. Quite random, actually.

 

Naturally, I engage and repond:

 

 

This could lead to trouble. Bring it.

#FileUnder Ways NOT to Seduce me

18 Dec

Ahhhhh! When is it alright for someone to post THIS as their profile picture? It’s like a bad trip down bad MySpace memory lane or something.

I saw this gem pop up in my feed and was in awe. Definitely…makes me…want to…find out…more…about…him.

Cue my scrunchy face.

 

Added Bonus

18 Dec

This morning as I was in 3D’s bathroom and getting ready, I reach over for some toilet paper and was pleasantly surprised to see that he had folded the sheet into a little triangle just as he referenced in his first OKC message to me. He continues to make me smile and laugh, even when I am peeing.

Come Here. Stay With Me. Stroke Me By The Hair.

18 Dec

I’m sitting at this laptop still in the same outfit I was in yesterday. Just a bit more disheveled.

So yesterday happened! I made my way to the West Side. ZOMG remind me to find a better way to get there if I continue to see 3D because dumb traffic is just dumb.

I get to his place and arrive in the midst of moving chaos. Him and his room mates are in the process of moving out so beds and box springs were everywhere. I got to meet the roomies (yay).

Upon arriving 3D presents me with a gift bag. Before I headed over he asked me if I liked chocolate. Turns out his friend is a chocolatier (sp?) and he was giving me some home made chocolates. It was really sweet when I saw the note: “Don’t Get Sick. xo”. I had told him that I love chocolate and all things dairy but can’t eat too much because I am lactose intolerant. So that little note was perfect.

After chit chatting with everyone for a bit we got in his car and drove to 3rd Street Promenade. Our plans to bike ride at the beach were foiled because of the on-and-off rain. We ended up roaming the stacks at Barnes & Noble, discussing different books, and then reading for an hour in a quiet corner. I mean, c’mon! This was such a comfortable date thing! He is even starting to read “The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao” because I suggested he do so. It’s one of my favourite books and I loved looking over and seeing him smile and laugh to himself. I was a bit skeptical about us just hanging out in the bookstore but it was probably the most relaxed I was all day because we were finding time to do what I wish I had more time to do. And we were doing it together. (Vomit inducing, I know.)

Afterwards we were on the hunt for dinner. Steamed mussels to be exact. We finally found a place that had them. Plus, it was a wine bar to boot! (By the by, Sonoma Wine Bar is tres adorable!) We sat out on the patio under the protection of umbrellas and heat lamps. The rain was not going to put a damper in our evening!

Everything that came out of our mouths made us think that it was fate that we met. We even neurotically  adjusted our wine glasses on the table to ensure they were symmetrical with the grooves on the tabletop! (Don’t ask.) He also told me about how he talks about me to his friends (and physicians who bring me up on his visits…I know right?) I think the best part was when he asked me if I noticed anything from the pasta dinner party. I tried to pretend like I had no idea what he was talking about. But yeah…I confessed that that was the funniest thing that could have happened at that moment. (Yeah, we totally brought up the condom falling out of his camera bag situation.) We were laughing so hard because it was so bad that it made it so good! We were both glad we could laugh about it, though, especially him.

Then the conversation took an awkward turn.
ME: Yeah, I thought it was weird that you were prepared to take me to bed but hadn’t even held my hand yet.
HIM: Hmmmm yeah, well this may not make it better but that condom was not in there for you.

[CUE MY HEART FALLING TO THE DEPTHS OF DESPAIR. EGO DEFLATING FASTER THAN FUCK]

ME: Oh…yeah that doesn’t make me feel better at all
HIM: What I meant is that I had condoms on there from a while ago…before you…and I forgot they were in there.
ME: Oh…okay.

And I didn’t know how to feel at that moment. I mean, he does wanna jump my bones, right?!

After dinner we head back to his place but make a pitstop at Yogurtland. However, we get sidetracked and enter the Giant Robot store and purchased random knick-knacks.

Back at his place. No one is home. Perfect. We hung out in his room, browse through his art books, have show-and-tell with his bike gear (the fact that he is so passionate about bikes and how things work is so hot), and he even played me the soundtrack to the bike ride that we never had that day. I loved it, and could picture badass him up front with speakers blasting from his backpack, and dainty me peddling behind him. Picture perfect. Makes me sick! 🙂

I rummaged through his stuff and found a level. I proceeded to check to see if things in his room were level. Even us. 🙂

I lay down and rest a bit because I am tired and a bit tipsy from the wine. At this point he is so late for meeting up with his buddies at karaoke. I felt bad but part of me just wanted to stay there in his, curled up next to him. He smelled so freaking good and was the perfect temperature. (I hate when guys are way too warm and you start to get uncomfortable from the combined body heat). And it felt so good to just be in his arms. I didn’t feel as bad when he said that he liked “this”, just laying there, talking, asking me questions, getting to know me.

I couldn’t believe it but it felt right for me too! Who am I becoming?!?!  Minutes turn to hours. He’s obviously not leaving for karaoke anytime soon OR AT ALL. I am obviously not going back home to finish up some work. So why not let the make out session begin? And boy did it! We probably were in that bed for a couple hours just, well, making out! I was taken aback at how sweet it was. No attempt to go under my unmentionables. What was happening!?!? I even took off my tights to make it easier for him but nope. Not a move was made under my bra or panties.

a.) wow. this guy had major self control
b.) wow. is this the first time since HS that a guy was not going to make a major move during a MAJOR MAKE OUT SESSION?!I think my HS boyfriend moved faster than him!

Seriously. I should not bash on his gentlemanly ways but man, how was that possible?!?! We’re adults here! Let’s do adult things! Of course I started to get self conscious and held back from reaching down his pants because it seemed like he wants to wait.

Let’s just pause again and marvel at this man’s self control! I am practically ready to let him have his way with me but he was standing his ground! Frustrating but sweet at the same time. He was obviously into it but definitely. holding. back. Ahhhhh okay, if he wants to wait then we will wait. But if I had balls at that moment they were most definitely blue.

I later told my best friend about it this morning.

Okay, I may not be overtly sexual on the outside but I need someone who can also take the wheel in the bedroom. I need that throwdown. As horrible as this may sound I would be very sad if I didn’t have that balance of “awesome dude” and “awesome in bed dude”. I need that full suite of services, man! The complete package! And I think he is good. The whole gyrations in the hip area were very sensual. I mean, if he can move that well then maybe I have nothing to worry about. All good things to come, right? (Again, it was total HS humping above clothes. Hot. But…ugh.)

Anywho, make out session was still pretty hot and fun. I foresee another case of beard burn. I love dudes with facial hair but it really pulls a number on my face.

It’s almost 2am at this point. No way I am in the mood to drive home but I think he was already expecting me to spend the night. He even started to look for a spare toothbrush for me. WHAT THE WHAT?!?! When he thought he didn’t have one he even offered to go to the corner store and get me one. WHAT THE WHAT?!?! Who was this guy being so fucking sweet to me!?

He eventually found one. Before handing it to me he inspected the box to make sure that the brush had soft bristles, not medium, because he didn’t want it to hurt. WHO. ARE. YOU.

I even got to wear one of his shirts. He got me water. He even happened to have some Hello Kitty boy shorts for me (don’t ask.)

(Oh side note: earlier in the night I got to try on some fun and cute tiger PJs of his. How do I not own my own pair with the hood and everything?!)

This dude is a weirdo. A quirky weirdo just like me. This could be both good and bad. Can a couple have two wild cards? Is that even legal?

We brushed our teeth together. Watched some TV before bed. He made sure I was warm enough.  Then we cuddled some more. He would just stroke my hair, kiss the top of my head, and hold my hand. He would also ask me different questions about, well, me. “I can’t help but want to get to know more about you.”

This was so couply! I couldn’t believe it. It’s like just happening organically. It’s all super nice but I am not gonna lie. I am scared as fuck! I know that I just need to chill the fuck out and take everything as it comes. But ZOMG I am both thrilled to the core and scared. Many people will tell me to just be thrilled, to not overthink it. But I can’t help it. This is major, right? I don’t normally do relationships and here I am practically on the cusp of one. I keep thinking I should date a few more dudes. I mean, that was the point of getting on OKCupid – to date a bunch of dudes and experience this random social experiment.

CUE BURYING MY FACE IN MY HANDS

I am happy, though. He helps me pull away from my status quo, and I need that. I have been focused so much on my career that I continuously just told myself that I didn’t have time for a dude. I don’t really make much time for anytime else but work. But it has left my personal life and health in shambles. Could it be? Am I actually attempting this work/life balance I read so much about?

 

Catch Me If You Can

17 Dec

Okay, for those of you who know me in real this…IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!

I woke up this morning and had a mini “panic attack”. This whole thing with 3D could really be happening and turn into SOMETHING. And just like clockwork I had my panic-over-fact-that-this-is-so-easy-and-i-am-getting-what-i-want-but-am-i-ready-for-it-oh-gawd-do-i-want-it. Not the exact sentiment but you get the picture.

It’s the CHASE!

I should be happy with no doubts but then there is that biting feeling inside.

And this is why I’ve been single for a while…

In college I was very much into this guy in my French class. I would pine for him, sit next to him, we became friends, I’d get all giddy when he would take me out for ice cream or some sort of delectable dessert. Huge crush.

Then one day after he dropped me off at my dorm after a cheesecake run he sent me a text. It was something along the lines of, “I miss you already…” or whatever. I saw that and panicked! FULL ON PANIC! I ran to one of my besties on the floor and showed him the text.

He was happy for me! But then saw how pale my face was.

In that very instance I was over my crush…because I got him. And the thrill was gone. I saw him in class the next day and I couldn’t look at him. There he was after putting himself out there and being vulnerable for me, and I fucking crap on it!

Ugh – what is wrong with me?!

Why do people always want what they can’t have. Why must I/we want things to be complicated. Gawd, I sound so trite just typing that out. But it’s an age old story

Snap out of it, me! I see 3D in a few hours. Leisurely bike ride together. How disgustingly cute are we?