Tag Archives: embarrassing

here goes…

13 Nov

Starting your OKC profile is the pits. Ok, I’m being melodramatic but, you know, it’s a ton of pressure! Are you going to be serious? Do you go the witty route? How do you want to come off?

Then the pictures. ZOMG what pictures do I post? Will my friends be offended if I don’t blur out their faces?

Oh man, and the personality questions! My friend told me about how she got sucked into answering them. I felt like I was filling out those weird, blingy MySpace personality quizzes when I was a younger goober. Of course I don’t answer the sexy time related questions. I keep it focused around my personality and political beliefs. Hot, right? And all my actions are being fed into the activity stream so I’m, like, literally putting myself out there with every e-move.

Of course I am also worried about someone I know stumbling upon my profile. How embarrassing would that be?!

Man, within minutes the fellas pounce on this! It’s so weird yet so flattering. They are telling me I am super cute. They are telling me I am so funny. They are chucking questions at me left and right, asking follow up questions to my profile tidbits. I even wrote how I am obsessed with zombie survival and, naturally, everyone wants to hear about my well thought out plan. It’s serious business, okay?

Being the nice person that I am (and major ham that I am), I start responding to EVERYONE! It’s to the point where I found myself carving out an hour or so of my evening just dealing with my messages. And then the boys start IMing me on the platform? And I’m also busy perusing the aisles of hot (and not so hot) mens? OKC is so time consuming! How am I ever going to get through this??

To top it off, I religious scope out who is looking at my profile. It’s pretty addicting to look at that column of dudes e-checking me out. “Ohhhh who this this?” which leads to me proactively sending them messages, planting seeds, and fumbling to maintain communication. Rawr.

Then one day I see a familiar profile picture of a fella I know in real life! And it happens to be a dude that I had a dysfunctional relationship with (if you can call it a relationship). Ugh! I’ve been exposed! And of course within minutes I see that I have a new message. It’s him poking and prodding me, saying he found me, saying he didn’t expect to find me on here, yadda yadda yadda.

I. Am. Mortified. But I have to play it cool! So I message him back, all casual, all nonchalant, like, “yeah, I just got on here out of sheer curiosity. No big deal. Yadda yadda.” And he responds letting me know that the site is dumb and how I will be over it.

Really? But I am having so much fun so far!

Ugh. Of all people it had to be HIM who found me.

Oh well. Dirt off my shoulder. Over the next few weeks I do end up seeing other folks I know in real life. In those moments I find myself ducking in my chair as if they could see me. “Oh please oh please don’t message me. Oh please just let me not show up on their radar.” But then there is an instance where I see someone I know and WANT to engage with them because I think they are hot but then I can’t because a friend already staked their claim on him so I gotta let it go. Wah wah wah. But I can’t help myself and I at least click on his profile. Yep, it’s totally him. Ohmygod I want. Then he sees that I am checking him out so I see him check out my profile. And I squeal but tread lightly. Do not engage…..do NOT engage….

Fast forward to one drunken night later where I send him a message telling him I recognize him. And I regret it. And it ends there. Did I mention that I have no self control?

I’ve been better about weeding through the dudes who message me. I’m sure I come up as “Replies Selectively” because my engagement rate went from “messaging everyone back” to “oh, you’re an uggo…you have a low compatibility rate…ohhhh you look interesting so I will come out an play…”

I’ve also tried to restrain myself when it comes to committing to dates. I can’t just casually say yes to someone because they are serious when they say they want to get a drink. I guess that’s why people are on this site? To just churn through dates? Efficiency? Non-committal me needs to play by the rules and have my wits about it. And I weed through those invites. Some dudes come off strong where I’m like, “Woah woah woah…take a cold shower”. Others are nice enough. So I give in. Ohmygod what will my first date be like??

And it happens. And I am out of control. Totally pulling a Charlotte York from SATC with her doubling bookings. More on that madness later.