Tag Archives: dumb

#CanIGetARecap? – On Numero Cinco

4 Dec

Since our last installment I had finally peeled myself off the computer, out of my martini PJ pants, scrubbed myself clean and got dressed for success! This is where the “panic” sets in. This panic was more the “Holy shit, why won’t my hair behave? Oh man, my eyes look tired. Ack, this lip color looks weird. Crap, I’m talking to myself too much and now I’m going to be that girl who showed up late to 3D’s lunch date.”

Let’s flashback to earlier in the morning when I was laying in bed, thankful for the lack of a “hangover”, and contemplating where we should meet for our date. We had discussed food and Bloody Marys. I opted for Dusty’s in Silverlake because the food is yummy and it seems like a cute little date place. But it’s not even 10:30am and I didn’t want to send an early text…but the lunch window was approaching…but I don’t want to wake him up! Inner turmoil!! …and at that moment my phone buzzes.

He beat me to the punch! I love it!

I respond back with my lunch suggestion and suggest we meet at 1pm. All good. Then we both joke about being able to continue snoozing for the rest of the morning. Ahhhh yes, another snooze button addict. This could be the start of a beautiful thing!

Of course there’s traffic when I was already running behind. Thankfully 3D was running late, too. Google maps said he was about 10 minutes away.

When I drove by Dusty’s I noticed a guy sitting on one of the benches out front. It was him and, boy, did he look good. (And yes, he was sporting the short hair…extra points!)

Moments later my phone buzzes. He’s letting me know he made it in 10 minutes just as Google maps predicted. I illegally texted him back letting him know that I just drove by looking for parking and saw him. Busted!

It finally started to hit me that this date was about to go down. I needed a boost, something to pump me up even more, something beyond the Beyonce that I was blasting on the way over! And I got it in the form of compliments from total strangers walking alongside me on my way to the cafe. This smooth gent started to chat it up with me at the crosswalk then he paused in the middle of his orange peeling. “I just have to tell you that you are a fine lookin’ lady. I saw you walking behind me and I thought how damn cute you look. Then you opened your mouth and started talking to me. You sound good! Thought I’d let you know.” Thanks, man. That was my fucking “Eye of the tiger” moment I was looking for!

3D sees me crossing the street then he smiles and waves. ohmygawdheissocute. The smile. The kicks. The outfit. The height. The body. The right amount of scruff/facial hair. ZOMG I was stoked! He even had a bit of salt-and-peppery hair which made the whole package oh-so-fucking-better. We go say our hellos and “nice to meet yous”, and go in for a friendly hug. I could be down for hugging this dude all the time. Oh, and his voice? Matched him! Major points because I’m a weirdo about that type of stuff.

I’m a bit flustered at this point from speed walking over, and totally fumbled the whole “I Have A Reservation”  dialogue with the hostesss.

Yes, I have a reservation for one. Wait, I meant reservation for two at 1 o’clock.”

3D and I laugh a bit then he adds in a, “Wow, you had me worried there. Thought I was already getting dropped before we even get this started.” Ah yes, you’re funny, too.

The hostess leads us to a table for two. Vis-a-vis. We kick things off smoothly with the small talk and the conversation throughout the entire lunch was fantastic! He’s in the process of looking for a new place so we talk about the “joys” of apartment hunting on busy schedules.

I’m going to pause here and add in how freakishly thrilled I am that he is also as busy with work as I am. This could bode well as we could potentially commiserate together, and pretty much not have to worry about feeling bad if we need to push our dinners and dates late. Because the dude will get it.

Conversation turns into what we do for a living. I was absolutely fascinated with this portion of the program because I was learning so much. To top it off, our line of work somewhat overlapped in ways and it was great to talk shop…sorta.

Another observation was that he talked A LOT during lunch. I didn’t really mind at all but it was a total curve ball. I am usually the one taking up a huge share of the conversation pie and here he was BEING ME! I thought it was some unspoken law that guys are supposed to let girls talk about everything under the sun and about ourselves, yadda yadda. Yet here he was with the spotlight on him. This was so new to me! I secretly wanted the imaginary light production guy to start inching that spotlight onto my section of the stage. I do commend him for realizing what he was doing. He even apologized for talking so much. I told him I was totally fine with it. Plus, his storytelling warranted unabridged versions.

We talk about work, friends, biking, owning cats, Florida, Los Angeles, the South, video games, movies, vampire pregnancies, Adam Sandler, more vampire birthing stories, lasering your skin, grease fires, traveling, Skyline chili, Grater’s ice cream, Siri, silver coat hangers for vampire fetus abortions, and sharks. We even compared our freckles!! And I even start to have awesome deja vu moments in mid conversation. It was amazing!

Then the dude starts to bring up OKCupid battle scars. I guess this always has to come up on OKCupid dates because we’re all on it so why not share battle stories, right? And dudes always bring it up! Is this also their way to gauging what they are dealing with? I know that guys and girls have it different on the site so I can see why dudes want to have a peek into how many dates girls go on and whatever. Especially because the dudes tend to be the ones messaging more often and getting rejected more often than ladies…or so I’ve been told based on some random statistical facts on online dating.

So he asks me about how my dating experience has been so far. I answer but try to keep it a bit vague. Gotta keep some mystery going on. He then asks to see if I’d had some weird dates. This is where I chuckle a bit, sigh and proceed to give him the Reader’s Digest version of the Swingers-Answering-Machine dude (blog post forthcoming.) His eyes widen  and he picks up his iPhone like a tape recorder: “Note to self. Do not call her a million times and leave her creepy messages.”

He then proceeds to tell me about his “worst” date.

“Never bring a friend to a date. Better yet, never bring a friend who is more extroverted and more attractive than you.” Yikes. He also referenced how some girls start talking about wanting babies. MAJOR YIKES!

I joke about wanting his sperm in a cup. No biggie.

Then he asks me if I had given my friends a heads up of where we were meeting, what he looked like, etc.  I laugh but he says it’s totally cool because his girl friends do the same thing with him.

Well, sir. As a matter of fact I did! Before I came out here I provided my best friend with you name, phone number, link to your OKCupid profile and where we were going to meet…just in case you were thinking of kidnapping me. Oh, and I also let them know that you looked like a certain actor just in case you delete your profile and they need to identify you in a police line-up.”

He was impressed! Then I told him how it comes in handy especially when I am dumb and decide it’s a good idea to meet dudes at their homes. “Because at the time it feels right. I’m in this ballsy mood where I think to myself You know what? This is the night I am going to die. But it’s totally cool for you, right, because you’re a guy and don’t really need to worry about this stuff seeing as you have a penis and all.”

Obviously this made no sense but we rolled with it and started to recreate a scene (including sound effects) of a penis sword being whipped out to protect 3D from evil! We laughed soooooo fucking hard. Like soooooooooo fucking hard. I had yet to laugh this hard on a recent date! We were on fire!

omg this dude is so awesome

Brunch is winding down. We’re getting drowsy from all our Bloody Marys. (BTW is this the correct plural spelling of the drink?) It’s been about 2 hours. It’s time for us to close up shop.

Check arrives. Moment of truth.

In my experiences dates are true blue dates when dudes pay for me. Call me old fashioned but it’s mainly how I roll especially in the beginning. (I’ll treat you to a drink or two later in the evening but we’re talking main paying point here). But even if I insist I won’t get offended if they step up and offer to pay. Old school dating rules, right?

I start to fumble in my purse for my wallet and he goes for his. I whip out my credit card and start to reach for the bill. He makes a grab for it. Okay…good sign. Then he shows it to me and says, “Split it down the middle?”



Going Dutch is fine but not on a first date, sir! When I go Dutch on a first date it’s usually because I want to make it clear that this is going down the platonic route or I simply don’t want to see you again.

I started to cringe and die inside a little. But wait. He’s thrown me different curve balls throughout the date so…maybe this is one of them?

Time to leave. He walks with me a bit as I head back to my car because he wanted to check out the bike store on the way there.



Do I dock him more points for not going all the way with me? Is this some weird symbolic moment where if he doesn’t walk me all the way then we aren’t going to go all the way?!  NO FOURTH BASE ACTION?! (Remind me to tell you about this baseball metaphor convo at the airport between a father and son in the security line). Nevertheless, I am a bit taken a back. Damn my set expectations!

And when I had asked him about the Underground Rebel Bingo thing tonight, saying how I thought it sounded cool, I thought maybe…MAYBE he would ask me to come with him because he had suggested that as a first date option earlier in the game. And you know…because he’d like to hang out again and he had an extra ticket. And he just said, “Yeah, we may still have an extra ticket but they might still be selling tickets at the door. Maybe I’ll see you there.”

Ack! Was he asking me to go? Should I have asked for that extra ticket? I was on the fence about it but I WISH HE HAD PROPERLY ASKED ME TO JOIN! That way I’d be able to move that needle into “PROMISING LAND”. But I also didn’t play this right, either. So we call this a draw?

We hug each other goodbye, say it was nice to finally meet, and walk our separate ways.

Good grief. Put a fork in me. I am donezo. I am already starting to enter the over-analytical-zone that I dread getting sucked into with every fiber of my being! And I feel dirty about it.

I mean, it wasn’t a BAD  date but all sure signs of a second date were dissolving. I thought I had this in the bag! Drats. He’s keeping me on my toes, though. It’s the universe saying, “You can’t always have it easy, dear. You can’t always have your way. It’s not black and white. This is the Gray album, son!”

I drove home kinda bummed.

Decided to run errands, grab coffee because I was konking out, and then look for a Christmas tree at Larchmont. As I was weaving through the trees at the Christmas tree loft, stomping on leaves, pouting, and kicking hay around, my phone buzzed.

Wait a minute. Could this be a glimmer of hope, my friends?
I let him know that I had a lovely time at lunch, too, because I honestly did.

You’re funny, dude. 🙂

We continue to text a bit back and forth about my tree and about how my cat is going to be attacking said tree over the next few weeks.

I know I should just wait and see what happens. For all I know he is just playing it cool and a second date is afoot. But why do I still have a weird feeling about this? My instincts are usually spot on hence my apprehension.

Side Note: Anytime I come across the term “apprehension” I think of the episode of Full House where Michelle learns about the word. This was around the time Uncle Jesse has his panic attack from the realization that he is going to be a father. He was “apprehensive”.

But cripes! What if he is just being nice and letting me down easy…because he’s nice and I’m nice. Everyone’s kiss-of-death nice! Must. Stop. Over. Thinking. This.

*Shakes fists in the air*

I am on the fence on how this is going to pan out. He could be on the fence about me. “How could anyone be on the fence about you?”, says a friend of mine. I KNOW, RIGHT? I’m a fucking catch!

And this is where I am reminded that dating, while really fun, can really blow. HARD!

I challenge the universe to prove me wrong on all this hullabaloo.


proceed with caution

21 Nov

I was scoping out some profiles tonight and stumbled upon what seems like a promising dude.

By The Numbers:

  • 93% Match
  • 95% Friend
  • 1% Enemy

Good line-up right?


  • Likes cool music including Lykki Li (#win)
  • Digs the same podcasts like Radiolab, This American Life and The Moth (#win)
  • Life of Pi is listed as a fave read (#win)
  • Not too bad on the eyes (#win)

Insert screeching halt sound effects here when I see that he is an assistant cameraman. Gah! I dated a guy this time last year who was a cameraman. That is a freaking small world especially in Los Angeles! They all know each other! They are in the same union! They call each other up for jobs and whatnot! What if he knows this “ex”? What if I am the bitchface c*nt amongst particular circles? How awkward to show up and run into dude who I dumped at a restaurant before we ordered food then asked if he wanted to stay for the main course because I didn’t want to waste a perfectly good booth! (Not really but kinda…)

Most importantly – why am I over-thinking this?!

Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.