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Catch Me If You Can

17 Dec

Okay, for those of you who know me in real this…IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!

I woke up this morning and had a mini “panic attack”. This whole thing with 3D could really be happening and turn into SOMETHING. And just like clockwork I had my panic-over-fact-that-this-is-so-easy-and-i-am-getting-what-i-want-but-am-i-ready-for-it-oh-gawd-do-i-want-it. Not the exact sentiment but you get the picture.

It’s the CHASE!

I should be happy with no doubts but then there is that biting feeling inside.

And this is why I’ve been single for a while…

In college I was very much into this guy in my French class. I would pine for him, sit next to him, we became friends, I’d get all giddy when he would take me out for ice cream or some sort of delectable dessert. Huge crush.

Then one day after he dropped me off at my dorm after a cheesecake run he sent me a text. It was something along the lines of, “I miss you already…” or whatever. I saw that and panicked! FULL ON PANIC! I ran to one of my besties on the floor and showed him the text.

He was happy for me! But then saw how pale my face was.

In that very instance I was over my crush…because I got him. And the thrill was gone. I saw him in class the next day and I couldn’t look at him. There he was after putting himself out there and being vulnerable for me, and I fucking crap on it!

Ugh – what is wrong with me?!

Why do people always want what they can’t have. Why must I/we want things to be complicated. Gawd, I sound so trite just typing that out. But it’s an age old story

Snap out of it, me! I see 3D in a few hours. Leisurely bike ride together. How disgustingly cute are we?

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i spy…

28 Nov

While I’ve come across profiles of lads I know in the flesh (and by flesh I mean “real life” not “biblically”, per se…though I may know SOME in that sense) I think the best profile thus far is one of a said semi-famous band member I know. Best spotting ever!

However, he may think I’m a little turd for just messaging him a simple “hehe”. I didn’t mean anything by it! Just a little “nod”, if you will, that says, “Yes, we are all in this together.”

Last time I called out a friend (to nip it in the bud) he was TOTALLY embarrassed! What? I’m on OKCupid, too, man.

Can’t take this whole thing TOO seriously.

We’ve all got needs.

Do your thang!

 

post stuffingness

26 Nov

I wish I could tell you that I’ve had my fill of the Thanksgiving madness but I continue to keep shoveling food into my mouth.

I am an absolute glutton. I can’t even count how many bowls of ice cream I’ve consumed. Don’t even get me started on the pastries that have found their way into my tummy. And the amount of meat that I shouldn’t be eating?!?! Hopeless.

Amidst all the gluttonous gluttony I did manage to pull off my annual pre-Thanksgiving feast with my nearest and dearest friends. Many friends throughout the years stopped by and I got to enjoy the presence of new friends.


I did NOT invite any of my OKCupid boys to come by. I don’t think I was ready for that kind of worlds colliding in the comfort of my own home. I was tempted, though. But I am glad I had some self control in that area of my life.

A few guys from my past did attend my little soiree. One of which was a guy I dated in college for a hot minute. Not going to lie but it was nice to see him. And for selfish reasons I felt like I was in my element so I’m glad he saw me in one of my finest moments.

Another guy I fancied showed up with one of my friends. File this one under “You Confuse The Fuck Out Of Me”. I saw him and was instantly attracted to him again. Flirt Alert was at a high. Level Orange…or is it red? But that is some madness I do not want to get mixed up in. And talk about self restraint! I had him alone in my room – all to myself – and I did not throw myself on him! Mazel tov to me.

Last helping of the Thanksgiving weekend is getting a “Happy Thanksgiving” text message from one of my OKC dudes. Cat/Rabbit guy, to be exact (more on him later). His was one of many mass and personal text messages I received from friends – the annual barrage. And there it was. Not sure if it was to his entire phonebook or just to me but I made the cut. A few days before he initiated a few texts with me: checking up on me because I had been sick and also to let me know he was back from a last minute vacay. (I had no idea he was gone but thanks for the memo?)

What now? I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him but in a purely platonic way at this point, me thinks. It’s those rabbits, man!

In other covetous news, I am starting to put the feelers out on more dudes, as in I am earmarking them for later use. And now I can’t stop having dreams about going on more OKCupid dates. Sad! To top it off I can’t stop thinking/dreaming about the Skydiver. Take me out to pasture already! I disgust myself.

setting some goals

16 Nov

My co-worker suggested I set a goal for X dates within said time frame.

I do need some motivation to start responding to dudes’ messages again and even proactively set out my milkshake bait.

Ahhhhh I gotta make an effort now? Hmph.

Fine.

Now I just need a number.

Halp!

Keep in mind we’ve got Holidays around the corner so we’ve got to be realistic with the caliber of men around, going out of town, hibernating, and the like.

here goes…

13 Nov

Starting your OKC profile is the pits. Ok, I’m being melodramatic but, you know, it’s a ton of pressure! Are you going to be serious? Do you go the witty route? How do you want to come off?

Then the pictures. ZOMG what pictures do I post? Will my friends be offended if I don’t blur out their faces?

Oh man, and the personality questions! My friend told me about how she got sucked into answering them. I felt like I was filling out those weird, blingy MySpace personality quizzes when I was a younger goober. Of course I don’t answer the sexy time related questions. I keep it focused around my personality and political beliefs. Hot, right? And all my actions are being fed into the activity stream so I’m, like, literally putting myself out there with every e-move.

Of course I am also worried about someone I know stumbling upon my profile. How embarrassing would that be?!

Man, within minutes the fellas pounce on this! It’s so weird yet so flattering. They are telling me I am super cute. They are telling me I am so funny. They are chucking questions at me left and right, asking follow up questions to my profile tidbits. I even wrote how I am obsessed with zombie survival and, naturally, everyone wants to hear about my well thought out plan. It’s serious business, okay?

Being the nice person that I am (and major ham that I am), I start responding to EVERYONE! It’s to the point where I found myself carving out an hour or so of my evening just dealing with my messages. And then the boys start IMing me on the platform? And I’m also busy perusing the aisles of hot (and not so hot) mens? OKC is so time consuming! How am I ever going to get through this??

To top it off, I religious scope out who is looking at my profile. It’s pretty addicting to look at that column of dudes e-checking me out. “Ohhhh who this this?” which leads to me proactively sending them messages, planting seeds, and fumbling to maintain communication. Rawr.

Then one day I see a familiar profile picture of a fella I know in real life! And it happens to be a dude that I had a dysfunctional relationship with (if you can call it a relationship). Ugh! I’ve been exposed! And of course within minutes I see that I have a new message. It’s him poking and prodding me, saying he found me, saying he didn’t expect to find me on here, yadda yadda yadda.

I. Am. Mortified. But I have to play it cool! So I message him back, all casual, all nonchalant, like, “yeah, I just got on here out of sheer curiosity. No big deal. Yadda yadda.” And he responds letting me know that the site is dumb and how I will be over it.

Really? But I am having so much fun so far!

Ugh. Of all people it had to be HIM who found me.

Oh well. Dirt off my shoulder. Over the next few weeks I do end up seeing other folks I know in real life. In those moments I find myself ducking in my chair as if they could see me. “Oh please oh please don’t message me. Oh please just let me not show up on their radar.” But then there is an instance where I see someone I know and WANT to engage with them because I think they are hot but then I can’t because a friend already staked their claim on him so I gotta let it go. Wah wah wah. But I can’t help myself and I at least click on his profile. Yep, it’s totally him. Ohmygod I want. Then he sees that I am checking him out so I see him check out my profile. And I squeal but tread lightly. Do not engage…..do NOT engage….

Fast forward to one drunken night later where I send him a message telling him I recognize him. And I regret it. And it ends there. Did I mention that I have no self control?

I’ve been better about weeding through the dudes who message me. I’m sure I come up as “Replies Selectively” because my engagement rate went from “messaging everyone back” to “oh, you’re an uggo…you have a low compatibility rate…ohhhh you look interesting so I will come out an play…”

I’ve also tried to restrain myself when it comes to committing to dates. I can’t just casually say yes to someone because they are serious when they say they want to get a drink. I guess that’s why people are on this site? To just churn through dates? Efficiency? Non-committal me needs to play by the rules and have my wits about it. And I weed through those invites. Some dudes come off strong where I’m like, “Woah woah woah…take a cold shower”. Others are nice enough. So I give in. Ohmygod what will my first date be like??

And it happens. And I am out of control. Totally pulling a Charlotte York from SATC with her doubling bookings. More on that madness later.

make the pounding stop

12 Nov

How in the world did I manage to get up early this morning and go out into the world after a night like last night?

(No boy date last night. But had friend date night. So many drinks. So much fried food. So much karaoke goodness!)

Being back on the market has been a major driver in being more consistent with my, ahem, personal grooming and maintenance. My aesthetician is super thrilled because I’m on a regular schedule with her again.

I adore her, she’s great…even with her creepy old man tendencies. And by creepy old man tendencies I mean she says really weird, borderline flirty things to me? Like, she’s always saying how cute and adorable I am as she looks me up and down when I walk in. And this is fine. I mean, I’m cute so she can’t help herself! But then she adds in things like, “Turn around in your dress for me” or “Yeah, take your cute little panties off.” RIGHT?!

Other than that we always talk about books or my latest plans. It’s mainly the book geekery that takes the awkwardness out of her working on my lady parts. She’s an absolute peach, though. Always giving me the best book recos.

I was definitely a slug on her table this morning. Room spinning. Head pounding. Burping up last night’s vomit. Wanting desperately to pass out right then and there. Today is going to be rough.

put your life on hold as we interest one another

9 Nov

Last night was my umpteenth time seeing Mates of State live. It’s my yearly duty to see them any time they come to town. My heart shoots out moonbeams every time I see them. I can’t get over how much I am in love with their love.

You see them on stage, keyboard and drums angled in a way so that they are facing the crowd but still have a perfect view of each other. I gush every time I catch them sneaking in little smirks to each other or how they look into each others’ eyes…and they share knowing glances that whisper little secrets. And their singing is just a conversation between the two. I die! Then I think to myself (every time) how that is exactly what I want. That perfect comfort and adoration. It’s just them against the world, man. But they aren’t, like, the typical fairy tale love. They are the hip “gangsta” love.

Call it my pie in the sky. This is what it’s like on a fantasy…

I mean, I’ve had this before. First love. In college. We were Kori and Jason in our own way. No frills. It felt right. Bad timing in the end and I was emotionally beaten to the core. When I finally was able to crawl out from under the covers after months of agony I picked up what was left of me and proceeded to build that wall.

Then it happened again. Mid-twenties. I’d catch him looking at me from across the table, smile, then tell me I had his heart in the palm of my little hand. Our love was perfect. And I’m not making shit up. We were inseparable from the first day we hung out. As corny as it sounds, we literally finished each other’s sentences, think each other’s thoughts. We fit. Perfectly. We’d even wake up in our own beds at the same exact moment and, without fail, I’d hear my phone ring as my eyes were opening. It would be him calling to pick up where we left off. We were invincible. But it was bad timing in the end, as well. I had his heart but I’d forever be his little doll that he wanted to leave untainted. Frustrating as shit because I’d see the girls crawl out of his apartment as I would arrive to pick him up for brunch, and I’d think how he’d never see that way.

So I toughened up again. Never again would I let some dude make me bawl blubbery tears on my steering wheel outside my apartment every night before finally get out of the car to get inside my home and continue bawling in bed. Fuck that noise.

Now here I am – countless short term this, one night that, cat & mouse flings, not getting too attached to anyone because I’m a modern gal who doesn’t need a dude. Pffft, I’ve got my friends. Who needs all that emotional mumbo jumbo. I’ve witnessed my friends lose their sense of self for a douchebag. I don’t want to be like that! I eat men for breakfast and as an afternoon snack! I’ve was raised to be independent and to focus on my career! And it’s hard for me to maintain a relationship. I don’t have the capacity to have my cake and eat it too! I can barely keep my dinner plans with my good friends let alone try to be a decent girlfriend. Plus, I’m set in my ways. I’m living my life. All is relatively good.

Until I sometimes catch myself wanting  someone who can commiserate with me after a long, hard day. Someone I can be an absolute geeky goober with, someone with the right balance of what I need/he needs Рa partner in crime, a fellow pea in my pod.

Man, I’m getting soft

In reality I want someone I can easily go to for on-the-fly, carefree make our sessions. Someone to have guilt-free baseball metaphor activities with (Let’s go to second base, baby. Wait, is that hand-under-the-shirt action?) Yeah…doing adult things on the reg.

But LA is the worst place to date. It’s so easy to meet people in other cities because they are actually metropolitan. People are out and about everywhere, walking and taking public transit together! I have easily met amazing guys in other cities like San Francisco, Chicago and New York within hours of being there. But LA is a tough bitch.

However, I refused to join some online dating site. Like, I SWORE I would never, even after my friends kept insisting FOR YEARS that it would be worth trying out. Then I proceeded to whine:

  • If I’m going to meet a guy I want it to happen organically.¬†
  • What’s so hard about meeting people whilst I’m out and about? I don’t need some site’s help.
  • But aren’t they all weirdo skeezes?
  • Ugh, I don’t have time to update yet another social profile. C’mon! I barely have time to pick my nose!

I’ve got my girl friends hopping on OKCupid and going on dates up the wazoo. I’ve got my co-worker meeting ladies through OKC too. And whatshername totally met her hot boyfriend on OKC. They are the perfect couple and now they are engaged! (I don’t want to get engaged in a hot minute but I’d still like to meet a non-asshole hottie. Ok, he can be a bit of an asshole for “hot bad boy” effect.)

It finally took utter boredom, sheer curiosity, and my reborn thrill of the chase to get me to sign on to that godforsaken site. Man, I remembered how much I cringed as I was choosing a screen name, populating my profile, and carefully choosing those photos that could make or break you.

I was being thrown into the wolves. “You’ve got nothing to worry about”, my friends said. “You’re super adorbs and a damn catch! They will gobble you up!”

It’s been a little over a month, maybe two, since I’ve been on OKC, and I’ve already tasted the “good”, and endured some weird, fucked up shit. Like to the point where I’m asking the universe if this is some weird joke or if I’m on some hidden camera show because some dudes are just bizarre!

And so begins the chronicles of my (mis)adventures in (online) dating. Hey, at least I get free drinks and dinners out of it, right?